The Process of Divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience for anyone, but for parents it is very complicated. Anger, loss, hopelessness and worry about housing and money are all compounded by the normal stresses of raising children and helping them cope with their anxieties over the breakup of their family. Fortunately, there are positive steps divorcing parents can take to minimize the impact of these issues.

Talking openly with your children and offering basic, non-threatening information about what’s going on can help ease the transition and speed the healing process. It is important that parents avoid criticizing their estranged spouse in front of the children. Remember, no matter how good the divorce may be for you, it seldom seems that way to your children.

Look to your extended family and friends for support and allow them to help you form a new family structure that works for you. Support groups are abundant in every community and offer peer and professional counseling. Asking for help is a healthy way to solve problems and resolve family issues.

Mothers are still most likely to get custody of the children, although joint custody arrangements are increasingly common. Joint custody is the major factor in fathers continuing to stay involved in their children’s lives after divorce. Studies have shown that a father who pays child support but doesn’t have joint custody is likely to see his children, but for very short amounts of time. Among fathers without custody, 29% have no contact with their children at all, while 12% see their children once a week.

Even if parenting is split more equally, it still takes patience, support – both for parents and children – and a lot of scheduling and communication and perhaps a mediator. Be sure to leave time to meet your own needs and applaud yourself when you meet one of your goals, no matter how small. Remember, although your family has changed, it is still a family worthy of love and happiness.