Working out the Separation Agreement

The Separation Agreement

When a marriage has broken down and both spouses agree that it cannot be saved, both parties must sign a separation agreement. This agreement is incorporated into a divorce judgment and filed along with a financial statement and the joint petition for a divorce. The basic issues that must be addressed in a separation agreement include child custody, parenting schedule/visitation plan, child support, alimony and the division of assets and liabilities.

Other matters that will come up include:
· Obtaining a separate residence,
· Responsibility for debts and taxes,
· Business ownership (if the divorcing couple owns a business together).

One of the first matters to consider is telling the children. Child psychologists advise divorcing parents to keep in mind that a 2-year-old and a 10-year-old will react differently to news of a separation or divorce.
Preschoolers won’t understand the cause of divorce and how it affects them, but they are likely to feel a sense of loss. They may:
· Exhibit separation anxiety, becoming clingy at certain times, such as when you leave them at school;
· Regress to behavior they’ve moved beyond, such as thumb-sucking or wanting a bottle; and
· Become angry and have temper tantrums.
Children ages 6 to 8 may feel an overwhelming sense of sadness, loss, rejection or guilt. They may:
· Cry easily,
· Have trouble concentrating,
· Have headaches or stomach aches,
· Take anger out on one or both parents,
· Have a strong desire for parents to reconcile.

Children ages 9 to 12 can become depressed and feel frightened, but they may pretend that they are unaffected by their parents’ separation. They also may:
· Have a strong reaction to the impending divorce,
· Feel and express their anger,
· Do poorly in school,
· Refuse to go to school.

To help children make the adjustment:
· Explain that the divorce is not their fault or the result of their behavior.
· Reassure them that both parents still (and always will) love them.
· Encourage them to express their feelings.
· Recognize, rather than minimize, their anger about the separation or divorce.
· Answer their questions as honestly as possible.
· Make time to be alone together.

Experts agree that most couples should separate during the period before the divorce decree is handed down by the courts. This can be a volatile period when anger and resentment are expressed. It can also be a particularly stressful time for children. But, with one parent having left the house, children can start to deal with the psychological effects of the situation and begin to move forward.