Knowing When To Call It Quits In Your Marriage

So the marriage is over.  That is a hard thing to think about.  When two people enter into a contract “to have and to hold” one hopes it is for life.  There are no perfect fairy tale stories of the young couple having a constant rosy future.  A couple may realize they need help and get that help and continue on together.  But there may come a time when the only way for both parties to the marriage to have mutual healthy happy lives, the marriage must end.

In this day and age, marriage is no longer the traditional “leave it to beaver” relationship.  The expectations of both parties are not based on the old notions of specific roles of husband and wife.  In fact the roles traditionally held by one partner can often be fulfilled by either.  Even having a child does not require marriage.  At the same time those who get married, get married for all the traditional reasons.  And yet probably half of all marriages end in divorce.  Why?

Well there are different theories out there.  For example, Mark Sichel, LCSW gives 10 commandments for marriage:  1) think before you talk, 2) write about all the bad thoughts you have had and then destroy the letter and move on with a smile, 3) Don’t argue with feelings, but put yourself in your partners shoes and have empathy, 4) respect privacy, 5) remember special events, 6) never over react, 7) appreciate your spouse, and stay interested and positive, respect your mate, 9) accept them as they are, and 10) do fun things together, intimate things, and take interest in each other interests.  Psychologist Dr. Howard Markman claims there really is only one truth to a marriage make-over- effective communication and knowing how to deal properly with conflict.  Of course there is couples counseling, which actually is meant to help couples re-learn how to communicate and deal with conflict.

But sometimes all the work to keep a marriage together does not pay off.  When can you tell it is over?  Well Dr. John Gottman, Marital researcher, has combined both interviews, videotaped interactions, and actual physical examinations of married couples body functions to determine when one can tell a couple will divorce.  According to the good doctor, there are 4 main clues as to when a marriage will end.  The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in couple interaction, as he calls them are 1) criticism, 2) defensiveness, 3) contempt, and 4) stonewalling.  Dr. Howard Markman of the University of Denver and Dr, Clifford Notarius of Catholic Univeristy of America states that there are three indications a marriage is over, 1) either partner withdrawls from conflict (usually the male), 2) tendency to escalate fights and to keep fighting until they get ugly, and 3) tendency to hurl insults to invalidate the relationship.  Of course there are also a lack of intimacy and one spouse caught cheating that are clear signs things are going wrong.

How hard do you have to work to keep the marriage going?  Well that depends on the individual case, and how much both parties want to work to keep it going.  A marriage is two people, though in the case of children, the relationship may involve the needs of more.  It is ok to move on also depends on the relationship, however if the marriage is destructive to the health and well being of either partner, it seems that it may be necessary to say good bye.

Child and Spousal Abuse In The Home

Child abuse in the home can be both physically and emotionally damaging. Another name for child abuse is parental abuse. Parents can be emotionally abusive and not even realize it. They can yell and tell you, you're nothing but a brat and I hate you! Most parents say slang words at their kids. That upsets a child. All of this is abuse. It doesn't leave any bruises, but it bruises your mind.

Parents can be violent and hit or smack a child. That's physical abuse. Physical abuse can be one of the following: throwing you, throwing objects at you, smacking you in the face or other body parts, hitting you, pushing you, and etc.

If your parents are abusive in any way, tell your grandparents or an adult that you trust. Be absolutely sure you can trust this person. Don't let this keep happening and you keep thinking "Oh, It'll stop soon.", "I love my mom/dad and I don't want to see them get into any trouble", or "This is normal". None of this is true. It won't stop and it's not normal. Anyone that hits or puts down their kids should be in trouble. NO one should be hit on or should be put down by their parents or by any on, for that matter.

A parent should protect her/his children from danger and praise their kids. Tell how great a day his son/daughter makes them when they come home from work.

If a parent is telling you how fat you are, tell them how bad this makes you feel. If a parent would help you out with your weight, then, that'll make the overweight child more secure and want to lose the weight. This is another example of emotional abuse. Any statements made by the parents that hurts your feelings.

If you've been putting your kids down or laying your hands on your kids that ain't the right way to discipline them, get some therapy. You are hurting your kids. This hurt could last for years and the damage can last a lifetime.

Spousal abuse is similar to child abuse. Spousal abuse is also physically and emotionally damaging. Husbands and wives can be emotionally abusive and not even realize it.

Spousal abuse is sad, because you can have small kids in the house and have them watch daddy or mommy yell at each other or hit and smack another one. This is not only abusive to the spouse, but, also, to the kids.

Don't think this type of abuse is normal or will go away. Spousal abuse usually happens when a spouse is drunk, intoxicated with alcohol, or stoned, strung out on some type of drugs. If this is the case, not only does the abuser need to go to jail, he or she needs some therapy.

It might be best if the victim and children get therapy just to help their emotional stress caused by the abuse. If you've been putting your hands on your spouse or putting her/him down, some therapy will help. You are hurting your spouse and possibly your kids. It's not the kind of environment your children shoould be brought up in.

Online Dating and The Single Parent

One of the most fascinating studies to emerge about online singles dating and relationships online in general was the study by Baker, A which was published in the journal of CyberPsychology & Behavior. In the study Baker, A found out that people who use online dating are not the shy people one things they are, many of them are quite outgoing and not shy at all, they just choose to date online for various reasons which included the convenience of online dating over they typical ways men gets to meet women such as work/school, friends/family, bar/discos. Read more

Staying Happily Married

Marriage is one of life’s greatest events. However, it is also one of the most challenging relationships that anyone has to deal with in their life. There are so many things that can cause a marriage to go south! Cheating, money problems and lack of communication can all be keys to the ultimate failure of a marriage. With some good marriage skills, you can stay happily married until death do you part. Read more

The Process of Divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience for anyone, but for parents it is very complicated. Anger, loss, hopelessness and worry about housing and money are all compounded by the normal stresses of raising children and helping them cope with their anxieties over the breakup of their family. Fortunately, there are positive steps divorcing parents can take to minimize the impact of these issues. Read more

Working out the Separation Agreement

The Separation Agreement

When a marriage has broken down and both spouses agree that it cannot be saved, both parties must sign a separation agreement. This agreement is incorporated into a divorce judgment and filed along with a financial statement and the joint petition for a divorce. The basic issues that must be addressed in a separation agreement include child custody, parenting schedule/visitation plan, child support, alimony and the division of assets and liabilities. Read more

Advice For Wives

Is Your Husband’s Love For You Fading? Advice for Wives

The anticipation and freshness that once existed when you got married may appear to be losing color as time progresses and both of you become more familiar with each other. The old adage that familiarity breeds contempt makes itself painfully apparent as your marriage is buffeted by the cares of time and you witness alarmed that the feelings that your husband once had for you do not now have that quality or depth that you once knew earlier on in your marriage. You may be confronted, consequently, with the life-changing question of whether your husband does not love you any more- though there may be the possibility of his loving you to a lesser extent than before. However, we address here the situation where your husband does not have any feelings of love for you and we attempt to offer a solution to revert this scenario. The objective is to secure back for you the love your husband once had for you and even to exceed that. Read more

Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Tell-Tale Signs That Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Any More

You, as a woman, must have realized that you can tell with amazing accuracy the feelings that your husband has towards you.  This is the feminine intuition even though one may not be aware of it all appreciate its accuracy.  A wife may feel about something being wrong in family life, though her husband may not have brought it up in an obvious way.  He may appear distant, and this may start ringing alarm bells in his wife.  Read more

What You Can Do To Save Your Marriage

What You Can Do To Save Your Marriage

Are you having a difficult time with your marriage? Well, you can safely count yourself in as one amongst many who are going through the same problem. The truth is that even the most loving and committed relationship can take a dive and threaten to upset a stable marriage. If you and your partner are going through an especially rough patch then the first thing you need to do is not give up hope and opt for a divorce. Your spouse and you could co-operate in order to rescue your marriage. The following tips will stand you in good stead in this process. Read more

A Woman’s Guide to Writing a Great Profile

OK…the time has come. You have joined an online dating service or two. Now you must write that all-important profile… the one that will attract attention and reel in the man of your dreams… but where to start? Maybe writing isn’t even something you think you do all that well. Even so, you can do this.

The first thing is to be absolutely honest about yourself. You are looking for that man who will like…maybe someday love…YOU….THE REAL YOU! Examine past relationships and list the things that you liked and the things you did not like. If he smoked in the house and you hated it, you won’t like it any better the next time. If you love cats and will always want to own one or more, say that you are an animal lover and want indoor pets. Someone who hates cats or is allergic to them is not the guy for you.

Accent the things that make you unique. If you play the piano well, you really want Mr. Right to appreciate it. If you run in marathons, a couch potato is not a good match. If you love art, you really don’t want a man who thinks Picasso is an ice cream flavor.

Describe the things that are vital in your life. If volunteering is the one thing that makes you feel useful and worthwhile, you want someone who would, at the very least, support you if not join you in your volunteer projects. When you get beyond superficial things, you will attract men who share your values.

Invest in your online profile by hiring a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the FIRST thing men see. The second thing is that they read what you have written about yourself. Some online dating sites even provide you with a list of photographers in your area that specialize in online dating site photos.

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