How to Move On After Divorce

The marriage is over.  The divorce papers are filed.  You are now a free person.  What next?  What can you expect after the divorce?  Did you have divorce expectations?
Well though the legal concept of the marriage may be over, depending on how long you were in the marriage or how “bad” the divorce was, there may still be residual connections to it.  You may not have even seen it coming.  How do you move on?  What about the kids?

According to Dr. Phil, “there is life after marriage.”  Like any situation in life, first one needs to recognize the situation.  The marriage is done, and denying it and not getting up off your feet and living life are not going to change that.  Don’t beat yourself up over it anymore.  Don’t be hard on yourself.  Forgive.  Set little goals for you.  This is you now.  Not we, but you.  This puts pressure on the single person now.  You exist now.  You are starting over.

At the same time some things don’t change.  Your job may be the same, or you may need to get a full time job now.  If you have kids, they still need food and a ride to school.  Those relationships need to be redefined with the new situation.  And new people may come into your life.  A babysitter may be needed for the kids.  There is a shift in responsibilities of who does what for the family as a whole.  If there are no kids, well you need to still take care of you.

There are counseling groups and meeting groups for those who are divorced.  Other divorced individuals get together and help each other cope with being alone; getting job support, and dealing with the new relationships you have with the kids and family in your life.  At some point, when you are ready you may consider starting to date.  Waite until the pain ends though.  Waite until you are sure you know you are not holding on.  Of course sometimes a marriage ends because there is someone already there.  Communication in any new relationships is paramount.  There is something true in learning from your past.  Also consider the kids.  Don’t put your life on hold for them, but at the same time respect their feelings and communicate.  They are still a part of you.  Forgive yourself in any case.  The marriage is over now.  You may consider getting to know you though before you move on.  Learn to love you again.  Get used to being alone now too.  It is OK.  Make healthy decisions with your exercise and diet.  Be proactive and try new things or do things you forgot you loved and you let slide in your marriage.  Take time to spend with your kids too.  This does take on a new meaning when it is just you.

Can you be friends?  Yes.  But both parties need to understand what that means.  A divorce redefines the relationship.  If one party still can’t respect the other, all the work in the world may not build a friendship.  Ask yourself if you were friends before the divorce?  How much conflict was there in the marriage?  Marriage conflict that ended it will not just disappear.  Though time may perhaps heal the pain of the divorce, it may never heal the relationship.  Sometimes that is the problem with the relationship, there was no foundation.  Maybe you were never friends.  Regardless, take a step into life.  It is scary perhaps, but it is yours.

Knowing When To Call It Quits In Your Marriage

So the marriage is over.  That is a hard thing to think about.  When two people enter into a contract “to have and to hold” one hopes it is for life.  There are no perfect fairy tale stories of the young couple having a constant rosy future.  A couple may realize they need help and get that help and continue on together.  But there may come a time when the only way for both parties to the marriage to have mutual healthy happy lives, the marriage must end.

In this day and age, marriage is no longer the traditional “leave it to beaver” relationship.  The expectations of both parties are not based on the old notions of specific roles of husband and wife.  In fact the roles traditionally held by one partner can often be fulfilled by either.  Even having a child does not require marriage.  At the same time those who get married, get married for all the traditional reasons.  And yet probably half of all marriages end in divorce.  Why?

Well there are different theories out there.  For example, Mark Sichel, LCSW gives 10 commandments for marriage:  1) think before you talk, 2) write about all the bad thoughts you have had and then destroy the letter and move on with a smile, 3) Don’t argue with feelings, but put yourself in your partners shoes and have empathy, 4) respect privacy, 5) remember special events, 6) never over react, 7) appreciate your spouse, and stay interested and positive, respect your mate, 9) accept them as they are, and 10) do fun things together, intimate things, and take interest in each other interests.  Psychologist Dr. Howard Markman claims there really is only one truth to a marriage make-over- effective communication and knowing how to deal properly with conflict.  Of course there is couples counseling, which actually is meant to help couples re-learn how to communicate and deal with conflict.

But sometimes all the work to keep a marriage together does not pay off.  When can you tell it is over?  Well Dr. John Gottman, Marital researcher, has combined both interviews, videotaped interactions, and actual physical examinations of married couples body functions to determine when one can tell a couple will divorce.  According to the good doctor, there are 4 main clues as to when a marriage will end.  The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in couple interaction, as he calls them are 1) criticism, 2) defensiveness, 3) contempt, and 4) stonewalling.  Dr. Howard Markman of the University of Denver and Dr, Clifford Notarius of Catholic Univeristy of America states that there are three indications a marriage is over, 1) either partner withdrawls from conflict (usually the male), 2) tendency to escalate fights and to keep fighting until they get ugly, and 3) tendency to hurl insults to invalidate the relationship.  Of course there are also a lack of intimacy and one spouse caught cheating that are clear signs things are going wrong.

How hard do you have to work to keep the marriage going?  Well that depends on the individual case, and how much both parties want to work to keep it going.  A marriage is two people, though in the case of children, the relationship may involve the needs of more.  It is ok to move on also depends on the relationship, however if the marriage is destructive to the health and well being of either partner, it seems that it may be necessary to say good bye.

Child and Spousal Abuse In The Home

Child abuse in the home can be both physically and emotionally damaging. Another name for child abuse is parental abuse. Parents can be emotionally abusive and not even realize it. They can yell and tell you, you're nothing but a brat and I hate you! Most parents say slang words at their kids. That upsets a child. All of this is abuse. It doesn't leave any bruises, but it bruises your mind.

Parents can be violent and hit or smack a child. That's physical abuse. Physical abuse can be one of the following: throwing you, throwing objects at you, smacking you in the face or other body parts, hitting you, pushing you, and etc.

If your parents are abusive in any way, tell your grandparents or an adult that you trust. Be absolutely sure you can trust this person. Don't let this keep happening and you keep thinking "Oh, It'll stop soon.", "I love my mom/dad and I don't want to see them get into any trouble", or "This is normal". None of this is true. It won't stop and it's not normal. Anyone that hits or puts down their kids should be in trouble. NO one should be hit on or should be put down by their parents or by any on, for that matter.

A parent should protect her/his children from danger and praise their kids. Tell how great a day his son/daughter makes them when they come home from work.

If a parent is telling you how fat you are, tell them how bad this makes you feel. If a parent would help you out with your weight, then, that'll make the overweight child more secure and want to lose the weight. This is another example of emotional abuse. Any statements made by the parents that hurts your feelings.

If you've been putting your kids down or laying your hands on your kids that ain't the right way to discipline them, get some therapy. You are hurting your kids. This hurt could last for years and the damage can last a lifetime.

Spousal abuse is similar to child abuse. Spousal abuse is also physically and emotionally damaging. Husbands and wives can be emotionally abusive and not even realize it.

Spousal abuse is sad, because you can have small kids in the house and have them watch daddy or mommy yell at each other or hit and smack another one. This is not only abusive to the spouse, but, also, to the kids.

Don't think this type of abuse is normal or will go away. Spousal abuse usually happens when a spouse is drunk, intoxicated with alcohol, or stoned, strung out on some type of drugs. If this is the case, not only does the abuser need to go to jail, he or she needs some therapy.

It might be best if the victim and children get therapy just to help their emotional stress caused by the abuse. If you've been putting your hands on your spouse or putting her/him down, some therapy will help. You are hurting your spouse and possibly your kids. It's not the kind of environment your children shoould be brought up in.

Learn How To Control Yourself In Difficult Situations

Some people want life to run smoothly and to protect loved ones from harm. In the process, they become controlling out of self- imposed duty to others. They set boundaries, rules, guidelines, collect information, and push others to do things. Sometimes these are good characteristic yet at other times, it is a characteristic of a controlling person.

A controlling person does not intend to be that way. The true intentions are for good things to happen to others by managing the situations and people. Yet, even good intentions can be wrong or inappropriate. To some people, the controlling person is pushy and obnoxious.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are a controlling person.

1. Do you feel most people do not do their jobs as good as you do yours?

2. Do you try to help other people meet their goals whether they ask for your help?

3. Do you worry that situations will fall apart if you do not lend a helping hand?

4. Do you feel that other people often disappoint you or let you down?

5. Do you believe someone always needs to be in charge of most situations?

6. Do you try to push people to do “the right thing” even when they are unsure it is the thing to do?

7. Do you have over average standards for yourself?

8. Were you at anytime in the past judged, criticized, or manipulated by an authority figure such as a parent?

9. Do you feel most people do not live up to their fullest potential?

10. Do you compulsively dislike disorder, erratic schedules, or messiness?

If you answer yet to four or more questions, you have the personality containing controlling traits. You may be eager to fix problems or situations since you tend to believe that if things were dealt with better they would have a far better outcome.

When you are taking on the responsibility of someone else’s situation, here are a few ways to deal with the situation without being controlling or forceful.

1. Offer to help only when the situation requires your assistance. Avoid looking for reasons to solve the possible problems.

2. Wait for the person so ask for your help. When people know you have the strengths to get a job done, they will ask you to help them.

3. Avoid giving orders. Instead, make suggestions. Making suggestions will help you avoid appearing to be demanding or rude.

4. Learn to accept criticism. When asking someone their opinion, listen graciously and do not be offended if they say something you do not agree with.

5. Learn to remain silent. Sometimes you will appreciated more for not offering your advice especially if the advice is unsolicited.

Being a controlling person leads to damaged relationships. Reevaluate yourself to see where you are controlling. Make a point to charge the controlling characteristics, changing all your relationships.

How To Change Into A Confident New You

You are an easygoing person who can compromise. You are known as the mediator. You also know most of the time you will not argue to get your way. Yet even with these good qualities, most of the times you feel like people tend to walk all over you. To make the changes to put a stop to the misuse of people calls for a plan of action.

Make a list of the reasons you want to change. The reasons need to be your personal reason and not what anyone else may have told you need to be done. Examples of the reasons may include, “to be appreciated more” or “to stop people for taking advantage of me just because I am nice.” Change for you instead of others since it will be more beneficial in time. Once you have created a list containing at least five reasons, share them with a friend who you can share your plans. It always helps to have someone in your life that is supportive and will offer guidance for the times you will possible backslide on the changes.

Realize to become assertive requires time to make the adjustments in your life as well as practice. Practice your techniques in front of a mirror. Say the things you want to say and watch your posture when you are talking. Make sure to speak clearly and slowly. Avoid fidgeting and stammering. Practicing will make you comfortable. To add to the comfort, practice in front of your friend. At first, it will feel awkward, yet that is normal. Take the time to get comfortable with the new you so practice until you reach a level of comfort.

When you are comfortable with the new changes, present the new you to the world. It is important to follow your plan of action to be assertive. The night before implementing your plans, get a good amount of sleep. The day of the new you, dress for success. The way you dress increases your confidence.

Do not take on more than you can handle with the new you. Take little parts of your life to make the assertive changes. Use the smaller areas to build to the larger areas. An example of a smaller area is a time someone wants to do something together where you honestly do not want to do or will enjoy, make a point of expressing your feelings that something both of you will enjoy instead.

Do not back down from your decisions. If someone does not appreciate, your efforts to change then most likely they are not worth your time in the first place. Remember even though you have made the decision to be more assertive and avoid others taking advantage of you, it will still happen occasionally and you do not have the right to treat anyone as you were once treated. No one likes a person that is a tyrant. Be respectful when being assertive.

7 Quick Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem That Work!

Low self-esteem can be a harmful thing to many people. Learning to improve your self-esteem will lead to a happier life. Here are seven ways to boost your self-esteem quickly.

1. Reflect on something you did for the first time. It is normal to feel nervous with everything that is a new experience. There were high levels of stress and anxiety yet that is a completely normal to all new experiences. The unknown is a scary thing for anyone.

2. Do something you have been avoiding to do. Make the decision to do them and learn the terrific feeling by accomplishing the task. There are several examples of things people tend to avoid such as organizing the bills, fixing the car, calling a friend, and trying a new recipe.

3. Do something you are good at doing. Everyone has a talent so find the talent you have and use it to improve your self-esteem. You will find you are competent and are able to face the obstacles in your life once you gain the confidence.

4. Stopping dwelling about yourself and take the time to think how you can do something nice for someone else. Many people that have low self-esteem concentrate too much on themselves creating the low opinion.

5. Learn to relax without thinking. Take the time to learn to meditate, which helps to remove the stress and anxiety of the normal life style and replaces it with a calmer and healthier attitude. Learning to relax will create a better way of life in all situations since you will not be “wound tight” and filled with anxiety of doing things wrong or incorrectly. You will learn to allow yourself to feel the terrific person you really are when you are not thinking about other issues in life. See yourself as you really are by taking the time to learn the art of relaxation.

6. Remember all of the things you have achieved. This will be difficult at first since you are so down about yourself. You need to develop a mental list of the things you have done in the past. This will help you develop self-esteem by realizing you have done several things in the past that are wonderful. Think about things such as passing the test you studied so hard for, saving money for the car, finally being able to afford your new apartment, or making that perfect meal from the difficult recipe.

7. Remember that it okay to be wrong. Everyone is wrong about something at some point in their life. Quit beating yourself up for making a mistake. Instead, learn from the mistake. Tell yourself things will be different and better in the future since you now know what you did wrong in the past.

Breast Enlargement Tips

Breast Enlargement Tips

All most all women are concerned about their breast size. In most cases it was found woman having small sized breast often feel insecured. Women feel confident and happy if they hold big size breast. Many factors play role behind small breast size. There are two main explanations behind this problem- Genetic disorder and Hormonal imbalance during puberty. Genetic disorder means if any of your female family members have similar problem. Apart from these two factors there are other causes like breast feeding, child bearing and weight loss.

Breast size can be enhanced naturally by doing breast enlargement exercise, massaging and using herbs and herbal supplement.

Here are some natural breast enlargement tips-

Exercise is very effective for enhancement of breast. One of the useful breast enlargement exercises is push up against wall. In this exercise, you have to stand two feet away from wall, facing toward wall and place your palm in wall in such a way that you are pushing wall. Then bend your elbows and lean towards the wall. Try to touch wall by your nose. Then move back slowly to previous position. Doing this exercise for 10-12 times a day helps to increase breast size.

Some yogic postures also help in enlargement of breast. It will be good if these postures will be done under a yoga expert. Dumb bell exercise also helps in toning muscles of the chest which lie behind breast.

Another natural breast enlargement technique is massaging breast. It has dual benefit. It tones tissues of breast as well as remove toxic materials accumulated in that area. The reason behind this is due to massaging of breast blood circulation increases in breast tissue. Fenugreek seeds oil is very effective in this regard. You can do breast massage at home as well as you can take help of an expert masseuses at private sitting. Doing breast massage in regular manner facilitate toning of adipose tissue of breast.

Breast size can be increased using herbal breast enlargement technique. This is most easiest way of increasing breast size than any other breast enlargement methods. A compound called phytoestrogen triggers formation of adipose tissue of breast. It has similar function that the hormone estrogen has. This type of supplement incorporated as pill, cream, gel or lotion. While using these creams one should resist themselves from consuming coffee, tea or other caffeine containing food because caffeine inhibits the function of phytoestrogen.

Certain herbs like fenugreek, red clover, fennel seeds also use to increase breast size.

Apart from above tips following are some useful tips for enlargement of breast.

Try to avoid intake of caffeine, it decrease breast size.

Try to free your breast free as much as possible. Yes, go braless! It helps to grow breast cells naturally. Don’t use tight bra. Tight bra or any tight garments inhibits healthy production of breast cells.

Diet should be proper as balance diet need to maintain hormonal balance. Hormone play important role in formation of breast tissue. Even if you are taking herbal breast enlargement pills then also you need proper diet because these pills contain product which has similar function like estrogen hormone.

Wrinkle Remedies

Wrinkles are fine creases which appear on face, hand and neck due to aging. With advancement of age, the collagen and elastin found in connective tissue become weak or decrease in number, thus skin loses fat content and elasticity cause creases in skin. As time passes, these creases become more prominent and deep.

Though wrinkles are the part of aging but there are some other reasons due to which wrinkles can appear early. Exposure to sun for long hours is the main reason of getting wrinkles at early age. Other reasons which enhance wrinkling at early age are smoking, pollution, repeated motion, excessive drug uses, depression, losing body weight and loss of vitamin E. Most affected areas are skin around the eye, neck and lip.

We all want to look younger and try different anti aging creams, lotion, herbal remedies, and of course so called grandma tips for rejuvenation of skin and to look younger. There are both natural treatments as well as cosmetics to get rid off wrinkles. If you opt for natural treatment then you can save money also. Natural home treatments have no side effects at all.

Here are some natural home remedies which help to cure wrinkles:-

Before going bed, take a castor oil massage all over the face. Instead of castor oil, we can use coconut oil as well. This act as one of the good home remedies for wrinkle.

Under eye wrinkles can be treated naturally with Egg whites. Egg whites can be applied to skin under eye to cure wrinkle.

Apply the paste made-up of sugarcane juice and turmeric on wrinkle affective area of face. It is very effective home remedy for wrinkles. Honey has a property to fight wrinkles. Mixture of honey, olive oil and cream is used to treat wrinkle naturally.

There is another herbal remedy that cures wrinkle. Take a quarter cup of comfrey infusion, add equal quantity of witch hazel into it and pour 10 drops of patchouli natural oil in the mixture, store the solution in clean bottle and apply it daily with the help of cotton ball.

Loss of vitamin E is the main cause of getting wrinkles at early age – so taking vitamin E supplements is used to cure for wrinkles. Here is a few important useful herbal home remedy containing vitamin E to combat wrinkles:

Make paste of two tsp of plain yogurt, half tsp honey and half tsp lemon juice then add content of 3 capsules of vitamin E into it, Apply this paste all over the face with help of cotton ball. Leave it for 10 minutes.

Avoid long exposure to sun as harmful ultra violet rays trigger formation of wrinkles. Over exposure to air-condition or room heater made skin dry, so application of heavy moisturizer act as a barrier in formation of process of ageing.

Drinking plenty of water also keep our skin hydrated. Using plenty of fruit or fruit juice also helps us to get rid of wrinkles. We can’t underestimate role of balanced diet for healthy and youthful looking.

PS: These herbs are better to be used after consulting your doctor or herbalist.

What’s in a Food Label?

Watching weight? Read food labels carefully if you are serious about watching your weight, staying healthy or following a special diet, foodlabels are required reading. Labels provide you with all the information you would ever want to know about the foods you eat.

But food labels can be tricky. Without reading between the fineprint, it may be difficult to tell whether the food inside the packageis right for your diet. Food labels are good sources of nutritional information, but they are only helpful if consumers understand what they mean,” said a registered nurse. Read more

Dieting: Will and Won’t Power

“I’m going to give up sweets, quit smoking, stop overeating, cut down on alcohol. No, I’m not, because I have no will power!” If you lack the willpower to keep your New Year’s resolutions, maybe it’s because the resolutions you’ve made really call for “won’t power.” Read more

Online Dating and The Single Parent

One of the most fascinating studies to emerge about online singles dating and relationships online in general was the study by Baker, A which was published in the journal of CyberPsychology & Behavior. In the study Baker, A found out that people who use online dating are not the shy people one things they are, many of them are quite outgoing and not shy at all, they just choose to date online for various reasons which included the convenience of online dating over they typical ways men gets to meet women such as work/school, friends/family, bar/discos. Read more

Staying Happily Married

Marriage is one of life’s greatest events. However, it is also one of the most challenging relationships that anyone has to deal with in their life. There are so many things that can cause a marriage to go south! Cheating, money problems and lack of communication can all be keys to the ultimate failure of a marriage. With some good marriage skills, you can stay happily married until death do you part. Read more

Foods That Aid In Fighting Fat

Foods that Aid in Fighting Fat

If you are on a diet, you do not have to feel bad because you have the option of choosing foods that can satisfy your cravings without ruining your diet plans. Yes, there are foods out there that can help you in losing some weight.

It is important that to know what those good foods are that will assist you in slimming down. They are those types that can make you feel full in a long time, which prevents you from eating more. These foods are high in fiber and may have good fat. They are also rich in nutrients that help in food digestion and make your metabolism work faster. In effect, your fats are burned away. Read more

The Process of Divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and confusing experience for anyone, but for parents it is very complicated. Anger, loss, hopelessness and worry about housing and money are all compounded by the normal stresses of raising children and helping them cope with their anxieties over the breakup of their family. Fortunately, there are positive steps divorcing parents can take to minimize the impact of these issues. Read more

Working out the Separation Agreement

The Separation Agreement

When a marriage has broken down and both spouses agree that it cannot be saved, both parties must sign a separation agreement. This agreement is incorporated into a divorce judgment and filed along with a financial statement and the joint petition for a divorce. The basic issues that must be addressed in a separation agreement include child custody, parenting schedule/visitation plan, child support, alimony and the division of assets and liabilities. Read more

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